Trio: Foreplay - Sharing Warmth

[opengoal]

Trio
by Ye Zhi-wei

Foreplay - Sharing Warmth

Recommended soundtrack:
Miriam Yeung's "If You Let Me Go On" ⁽¹⁾

We've broken up. I shouldn't bother you, my love. Isn't it right?

How are you?!

No matter how healthily a person lives, there are nights he can't sleep. If you're tossing and turning in your bed all night, unable to sleep, the nerves in your brain are refusing to relax, let me tell you a story. You can also look at it as a sharing of experience. I'll speak softly, like your mother tucking you in when you were small.

This is a story about jealousy and greed - It is also a true story! How about that? Hearing about other people's regrets always puts our minds at peace and makes us feel like the luckiest people on Earth. How can we not sleep easily then? Enough about that. Now please adjust your bedside lamp to your desired brightness. Hug your stuffed animal. Or light a cigarette. Let me tell you this long story. By the way, this story is not suitable for people in a relationship.

*            *            *

Winters in Hong Kong have always been annoying. Either it is hot enough to make you sweat and feels nothing like a winter, or it gets cold for a few days with sullen gray sky and never-ending drizzle. Just plain annoying!

But in the few days before Christmas, in the winter of 2002, the weather is surprisingly fine. It's getting cold but there is no rain. Instead, the sun is shining bright in the sky. Franki is walking down the street on his own. It is cold but he can still feel a little warmth from the sunshine.

He got up especially early today. He wasn't late for work. He even had time to cook breakfast, take a bath, match his clothes and gel his hair this morning. His friends and colleagues all know that every time he gels his hair, that means he has an important date - he is having dinner with his ex-lover this evening.

Five thirty. He's off work now. But it's still a long time to go before his date at seven thirty. He takes a long walk from Wan Chai to Causeway Bay. Then he starts from Times Square and then Muji, DKNY, Seibu, HMV at the Windsor House, Agnes b, I.T., A/X, and Sogo... He buys a tie in the end, from a design label. When you don't have anything specific in mind but you need to shop, brand-name products are the best bet. Franki always thinks so.

Seven thirty. He sits punctually at the Izzue Café in World Trade Centre. The café has rows and rows of long tables just like a college cafeteria. By the window there are seven or eight booth seats. There aren't many customers int the café but the booth seats are already taken. He can only go for second best, a 4-men table by a pillar.

His mobile suddenly rings. It is Sam. "I'm sorry. My bus is still in Wan Chai. The traffic is very heavy outside..."

Franki replies unruffled, "No problem. I've only just arrived..."

Franki only has the time to look around after hanging up. At the table next to him are four women. They are talking and laughing, noisy as hell. The other customers at the restaurant are all in groups and they look like they are having fun. The Christmas decorations all around them add even more to the festive mood. Warmth, extravagance, and fakeness - who can resist a festival like this? As a result, Pre-festival Anxiety Syndrome pops up everywhere. Afraid of being lonely, people keep going out and staying out. Streets are swarmed with people all the time. People who want to prove they are not lonely.

Every look at them makes Franki feel lonelier. Thinking back, he finds his feeling of loneliness has become especially strong this year. While he didn't use to be exceptionally good-looking, he had the priceless gift of youth. He had his glory days. He used to have a busy but happy life, living, working and falling in love. He would get thirty or fifty phone calls every day and dash between seven or eight dates every Friday to Sunday - not counting those he declined. He used to get over things very easily at that time. He always looked like he didn't care. Love was just desserts. Too much of it would just spoil it.

Later, he emulated a certain showbiz star who started declining awards so as to give newcomers more chances and stopped all promotional activities for his private love life. Actually, the fact was that he'd stolen a friend's boyfriend. For this man, he rarely showed his face in the gay scene anymore. He wouldn't go out unless the one who invited him was a very good friend. He had left the scene entirely. As it turned out, this love affair lasted five years. When it was over, he had to come back to the scene again.

You see, there aren't many examples of successful comebacks. And regretfully Franki is not one of them. He was already thirty-two when they broke up. Now, being thirty-two is not a problem. Many thirty-two-year-olds are still very attractive. The problem was, during those five years it was like his clock had stopped. He gave up grooming and taking care of himself. When he re-entered the scene, he was still wearing fashion five years ago - The worst thing was that fashion of his golden age was still too young to become retro fashion. Besides, he had very little self-respect left after his failed love affair. So every date was like begging. Once his date had sat down, he would ask for commitment. Little wonder the men were scared off.

As for his old friends, even if they didn't mind Franki had stolen someone's boyfriend, most of them had already found a better half. Franki was naturally relegated to second, third, fourth, fifth, or even sixth place, just like how he used to treat his friends - "Instant karma!" It would be a gift from God if he had three or five phone calls a day and a date at the weekend.

He let himself rot like that for two or three years. As a result, he has got himself even fatter. Well, this is a land of opportunities. A fat guy could turn himself into a bear which would also pull. Unfortunately he has always had a slight build. Fat on a thin frame is even worse than obesity. In the cruel world of love, it is worst if you are neither fish nor fowl.

So during outbreaks of Pre-festival Anxiety Syndrome, he always likes to ask his ex out to reminisce about their good times together, to prove he has loved before so that he can carrying on living.

At this moment, Sam appears. He is still the same old he. He hasn't sat down long before he starts smirking at him with his eyes and lips as though he is doing a business negotiation. Franki keeps warning himself he can't let Sam see how poorly he is doing.

There is nothing at the dinner worth talking about. Simply put, it is just like your average meeting of ex-lovers. All the talk is about trivial but seemingly caring things:

Sample Dialogue 1
Q: "How's work? It seems all companies are laying off people now. I hope you haven't been affected?"
A: "I'm fine. Just didn’t have 13-month pay this year. Still don't know whether there'll be a pay cut, though."

Sample Dialogue 2
Q: "You weren't very well a while back. You're looking so much better now... Are you still smoking that much?"
A: "I'm much better now. Thanks... Yeah, I'm still smoking a lot. It's easier to quit eating than smoking."

Sample Dialogue 3
Q: "Did you know XX and XX have broken up?"
A: "Yeah. I ran into him in the streets a while back. They have been together for seven or eight years. What a pity!"

Sample Dialogue 4
Q: "Have you seen 'Infernal Affairs'?"
A: "Yes, second row from the screen... ... The film was just average but it was an alright film I guess."

Sample Dialogue 5
Q: "Mom sends her regards. She would like you to visit her sometime."
A: "I'll do that. How is she? You should send her my regards too."

Sample Dialogue 6
Q: "How are you and your new boyfriend?"
A: "Alright. We went on holiday to XX last month."
Q: "I saw you two in the streets. You look very good together. Treat him well!"
A: "Don't say that. You are such a nice man. There must be many men after you. Don't be so picky!"

......

Throughout the course of the dinner, they look like they are having non-stop heart-to-heart talk but everything is just like rambling in space. Neither do they have a theme. Nor do they have a subject.

Sam is doing alright. He has a new lover and he seems to be handling everything quite well. His "new lover" has even called him a few times. Sam is not a bit embarrassed. He even talk to his lover in front of Franki without qualms. He is a Maths person. In contrast to a Humanities person like Franki, Sam has always been calmer and more rational. On the other hand, Franki already looks a bit out of control, especially when he is drinking his coffee and eating his cheese cake at the end of the dinner. The caution he has been keeping tonight has started to go.

Franki finally says something wrong!

"The banks have just reduced their interest rates. Must have eased the burden of your mortgage." Franki says.

"Mortgage? I've sold the apartment several months ago... Lost four hundred thousand on it." Sam replies.

Franki feels like lightning has struck through his heart. Small as their apartment was, it was their home. Every table and every chair were the result of their painstaking selection – God knows how many roads they'd walked and how many times they'd fought just to build this home. Six months ago the gym where they met was closed down too.

The apartment was now the only thing that could prove they had been together. Sam should've at least told him if he wanted to sell the apartment, let him take something as a memento. Now suddenly everything is gone. Everything has become somebody else's. Franki seems to have forgotten that they have broken up for two or three years now. And the apartment was never his. He was just a guest to both the apartment and Sam.

"There are many apartments for sale in your district. Wasn't it difficult to sell yours?" Franki asks unconsciously.

"A couple bought it. They liked its simplicity..." Sam answers like a sales report.

"Of course. I chose almost all the furniture and furninshing..." Midway through Franki's sentence, Sam is too embarrassed to say a word. "... So, you've moved back in with your parents?" Franki is still going on.

"I've moved in with him." When Sam finishes, it was like a huge weight has been lifted off his chest. But Franki seems to have lost his strength to speak.

He can't remember what exactly they talk next. All in all, unhappy people all like talking about their past. Because they can't see a road in front of them. Unlike Sam, for whom nostalgia is like a 'tear' mole – something that must be got rid of or it will harm his love life.

The dinner does not end too unhappily. At the corner of the street, Franki takes a Christmas present out of his bag and says, "Merry Christmas!"

"Thank you." Sam takes a look at the wrapping paper. "It must be expensive."

"I didn't know what to buy. So I just picked it at random. It's Christmas after all! Plus, there was a discount." Franki talks like this means nothing.

"Shall I walk you to the station?" Little gestures like that, Sam still do them.

"No, thanks. I'm not a kid. Besides, there's someone I'm meeting. We're going somewhere."

"Well then... See you... Merry Christmas!" So there they part in front of Sogo.

Picking up his mobile, Franki dials several numbers and gets several voice messages in return. He leaves each a message and walks down the streets alone, waiting for them to call back. He never used to return any calls and now he always meets people who won't return his calls. Again: "Instant karma!"

He walks into a karaoke bar nearby to see friends whom he'll only see there. Their souls seem trapped inside that bar and they are as lonely as he is. He doesn't need to ask. They are always in this bar without fail.

Two in the morning. Swept by the north wind, the streets are cold without sunshine. Franki wants to go somewhere to let it all out but all his friends are gone. Actually, Franki knows where they have gone to. But if he joins in, he'll have to take drugs. He has tried that before but in his heart, he can't stand this kind of decadence.

After drinking so much, he needs something hot. His first choice is, of course, a hot body. But of course he can't find that at this hour. In the end, he sits down in Tsui Wah Restaurant and orders a cup of hot lemon-honey and a sandwich.

There are still quite a lot of people in the diner, all of them sitting in circles. Each circle is like an ethnic minority, with their own rituals, customs and mores. Sitting on his own, Franki feels Loneliness creeping up on him again.

Suddenly his mobile rings. He scrambles to retrieve it and press the call button. The voice of a friend comes out. His only friend. Nan. "Franki? Have you forgotten I'm working overnight shift today?... What's up?... You're still in the streets?... No, I've just got off work. You know I can't answer the phone on the job. How was your dinner with Sam?"

Franki feels so much better after telling him about the dinner and some unrelated jokes. Franki thinks to himself, "Didn't know I could be so happy about these trivial things too."

It is three in the morning when he leaves Tsui Wah Restaurant. The north wind still feels cold. He stumbles into a taxi and thinks to himself, the weather tomorrow may be just as nice as today.

---

Note:
(1)
If You Let Me Go On
(Song and Chinese lyrics: http://home.hkstar.com/~canaan01/mysong_02.htm)
Music by Yu Yat-yiu, lyrics by Lin Xi
Performed by Miriam Yeung

If anything, I wish I could just fall asleep
I expected you to at least tell me not to wear myself out
But who should I save my energy for now?
"See you," I say to you on the phone. But who am I going to see?

When the storm comes, I want to at least tell you "I miss you"
And then you – you'll probably smile and avoid me at best
All the avoiding. We're worn out even if we aren't physically tired already
Maybe I just haven't let go

I want to cry. Can you stay awake for a while?
Keep me company. Like how tireless you were when we first met
But if - but if I go on talking, maybe...
Stupid me. How could we go on loving each other?

Why am I scared in the storm?
Would you have stayed if there hadn't been a hurricane?
But I think, if the roof falls down tonight
We have at least talked on the phone before that

I'm afraid of dying. Can you stay awake for a while?
Keep me company. Help me sleep without sleeping pills
But if - but if I go on talking
It'll only force you to tell me
That you're living with somebody now

God, can you just let me sleep for a while?
Forget about love. I've got so much work to do that sleeplessness is a crime.
But if - but if I go on complaining, maybe...
Stupid me will just find someone else to fill this place at night

We've broken up. I shouldn't bother you, my love. Isn't it right?

Translator's Notes:

This started as a whim. Considering how short my attention span is, I'm amazed I'm still doing it.

I chose Trio not because it's a masterpiece or anything. It's just that Yezhiwei is one of the most popular gay novelists in Hong Kong and it seems to me that Trio may be the one book that will translate best. His other books are so Hong Kong that it would be as difficult as trying to translate Stephen Chow into English, which wouldn't be the stroll-in-the-park practice I wanted.

Enough said. I better start doing the next part.